Like anyone, even the most successful and experienced business leaders make mistakes. However, it’s their ability to put the negative self-talk and self-criticism to one side and to forgive themselves and move on that really sets them apart. So what is self-compassion in business, and why is it so important? Let’s take a look.
"Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself." That’s a familiar adage to encourage empathy, but the truth is that many people are far more critical of themselves than they ever would be of anyone else. But what if we showed ourselves the same kindness and consideration as we did our coworkers and colleagues?
Self-compassion is all about giving yourself a break and treating yourself with kindness and understanding when you have a setback at work. Berating ourselves is a natural response for many people when they make a mistake, but such a response can cause you to miss learning opportunities. It can also create problems such as procrastination (subscription required), avoidance behaviors and a low assessment of your potential that can undermine your personal development.
Instead, exercising self-compassion allows you to take a step back so you can view your actions with kind and honest self-reflection. You don’t overlook mistakes or disregard them; instead, you accept that you made them, evaluate what went wrong and find positive and productive solutions.
Exercising self-compassion is important because, quite simply, it makes you a better leader. Research has found that self-compassionate leaders also have more:
• Emotional intelligence. Studies show that leaders who exercise self-compassion are more emotionally intelligent, more able to remain calm under pressure and typically experience more happiness and optimism.
• Resilience. Self-compassion is not the same as giving yourself a free pass. Research shows that self-compassionate people have standards that are just as high as those who lack self-compassion, but they’re less likely to be unproductively harsh on themselves if they don’t meet them. Self-compassion acts like a buffer and allows you to bounce back and move forward productively after a mistake.
• Compassion toward others. Perhaps not surprisingly, people who are more compassionate toward themselves are also more likely to be kind and nonjudgmental to others. Therefore, leaders who exercise self-compassion are able to build psychologically safe and trusting teams that are more engaged and perform at a higher level.
• Success. Rather than avoiding challenges due to the fear of failure, leaders who are more self-compassionate are happy to take risks and are more likely to formulate plans to help them grow personally and reach their goals.
• Integrity. According to research, there’s also a strong correlation between self-compassion and accountability. That suggests that self-compassionate leaders can take responsibility and do the right thing, even when making difficult decisions.
The argument for becoming more self-compassionate is compelling, and just like any skill, it’s something you can get better at over time. Central to the practice is accepting what you’re feeling and being mindful of how you respond.
When you exercise self-compassion, you accept a moment is painful and acknowledge the way you’re feeling. However, the key difference is that you show yourself the same kindness and care that you would a good friend.
If you experience a setback in your professional life, ask yourself:
It’s also important to ask for help when you need it and have someone who you trust to turn to. Often, the higher up the chain we go, the fewer people we may feel we can approach within the immediate business when we need support. A mentor, executive coach or consultant can often provide this support to business leaders. Regardless of who they are, a "critical friend" is a valuable resource; objective support and challenge can help you understand what has gone wrong as well as why and how you can make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Practicing self-compassion in this way and taking a step back can transform those setbacks into important lessons that can set you up for future success.
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Self-compassion is all about giving yourself a break and treating yourself with kindness and understanding when you have a setback at work. Exercising self-compassion is important because, quite simply, it makes you a better leader.
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